Buzzing bumble bee
I wrote some hot takes on my Instagram
Dear friends,
My eyes were sucked into two yellow, bee-inspired icons sitting next to each other on a friend’s phone screen.
They were be – a homegrown Vietnamese ride hailing service and Bumble – a dating app.
“Seems like our lives revolve around matchmakers now,” I told her jokingly, “they randomly connect us with the person who will give us a ride and a person who will wait for us at the rendezvous.”
Think of the setting as slug lines:
INT. BOBA PLACE – NIGHT
In a well lit, newly opened milk tea shop that looks indie but in fact belongs to an F&B powerhouse, two women – both in their late 20s – leaned on each other’s shoulders.
A
(calculatingly)
I’m talking to this person on Bumble. Saigonese in Hanoi.
T sits up, her attention is suddenly drawn into the story, waiting.
A (CONT’D)
He was like…
(signs)
fine. Vinyl collector and stuff.
He was extremely patronizing towards a barista the other day, complaining about the “too sour” pour over.
He likes films.
T
(exclaiming)
Not this
Of all annoying breeds of men, bootlegged cinephiles are the most disturbing.
I’ve noticed, for some time, how my eyebrows are unconsciously raised whenever a man I just encounter tells me he likes films.
It might be a false alarm – just might be since in most cases, the conversation would end with an invitation to come over to “watch a movie”.
I, therefore, have composed a dummies guide to instantly detect one.
Those who declares his most favorite director is Wong Kar-wai
… and annually on May 1 and May 30 will post still cuts from Chungking Express and Fallen Angels onto his Instagram stories.
The force is just too crowded and delusional about them being “artsy”.
Run if you come to his place I see a Wong Kar-wai coffee table book, especially the Vietnamese version translated by Bình Bồng Bột.
Those who declares his most favorite director is Andrei Tarkovsky
… but only talks about the beauty of Stalker and Solaris. Ivan’s childhood he has never watched. If you ever ask him whether he reads Puskin, sure he will cite a couple sentences in “I love you” and don’t expect him to read Brodsky and discuss the comparative relations between their works. In case you still have some patience left, ask him whether he shoots polaroids. If he says no then run.
Those who only watches the most popular works of directors
For example, the moment you mention Ang Lee, he will start ranting about Lust, Caution and Tang Wei; worse? Life of Pi. He holds a firm belief in patriarchy to the point he closes eyes before the fact that Ang Lee’s wife worked to provide for their family when he went to film school and made The Wedding Banquet and Eat Drink Man Woman.
Those who only watches best pictures or nominees at least of the Oscar and Cannes
… and takes pride in “being a fan” of Everything Everywhere All at Once when it hadn’t got the popularity yet. However, Swiss Army Man – The Daniels’ debut film – he hasn’t watched (or never known of its existence, to be frank).
Those who somehow only watches motion pictures by male directors
… and pretend to be deaf when you talk about Agnes Varda or when you mention Greta Gerwig, “you know Barbie was banned in Vietnam, right?” he will respond.
Those who has an unexplainable hatred of Vietnamese movies
… although a handful of Vietnamese movies that he watches included commercial works by Trấn Thành and Lý Hải. Biệt Động Sài Gòn he has never heard of then you cannot expect him to ever knows Cuộc Đời của Yến or 14 Ngày Phép.
Those whose only watches movies at chain cinemas, always with a combo of popcorn and Coke
Poor him for not knowing the concept of independent cinemas. “Criterion? Is it a closet where directors go selecting their favorite titles and taking polaroids? I know right.”
Those who only reads reviews on Facebook or in a better case, Roger Ebert
… Little White Lies to him is another territory.
In Carrie Bradshaw’s words: “Men I might not know, but films, films I know”.
The world might be a better place if men stop feigning sophistication.
Till next time,
T.
This week’s top picks
A mixset in a traditional market
A nice take on Vietnam’s local fashion scene